Learning Through Lies

Sometimes I wish people could be more truthful rather than weave a web of lies to hide it, because the truth will always come out. Feel hurt, betrayed, and foolish to give them the benefit of the doubt to fall into their web of lies. But that’s life. You live and learned. You learned that there are no such things as coincidence in a web of lie. The truth is always there and will expose itself. You learned to be careful of who you can trust, who you can tell your feelings and problem to. You learned that not everyone in your circle, whether big or small is your friend. Some will use you, some will lie to you, and stab you when you’re not looking.

But through it all, like Shannon L. Alder had said:

Forget what hurt you but never forget what it taught you.

You learned that things are meant to be the way they are, for you to learn and grow. You learned how to distinguish the real. To let go of what you don’t need in your life and be grateful for those few you have. You learned to exclude yourself from people’s narrative because life is too short, and you don’t have time to play the bad person in anyone’s web of lies or drama.

So to those that had hurt, betrayed, and lie to me. Thank you for teaching and let me close another life lesson chapter so that I can focus on living and being happy.

Gone Too Soon

Sulli (Choi Jin-Ri)
March 29, 1994 – October 14, 2019

I woke up yesterday to see a friend’s post about Sulli’s passing. I was in disbelief, not believing how legit the site was, thinking how cruel for someone to come up with such a death hoax. But as the morning goes by, more and more news article rolls in, from CNN to SOOMPI, and the reality finally sink in.

My heart sink reading article after article of her passing. And even so, somewhere in my heart, I was still in disbelief that she was gone. Sulli, who was making a comeback as a MC in Reply Night and through my favorite drama Hotel del Luna, has taken her life and left us too soon.

Somewhere in my mind, the memories of Jong-hyun still feel new. And now, it was another goodbye. I still did not want to belief it at all. I want to close my eyes, hoping to wake up tomorrow with lies.

But today, the news remained. The reality was still the same as yesterday. Sulli has truly left us. Just like Jong-hyun, still too young yet gone too soon.

Articles after articles putting depression into accountability for her suicide but can we place all blame on depression for it or the people and society who contributed to it, who always scrutinize her no matter what she does? Who had hurt and scar her mental state to the point of exhaustion?

The anonymity of social media has created monsters that had hurt her, pushing her into a corner with no escape.

“Why is she like that?”
“She’s so lazy to wear bra, attention wh*re”
“What an attention seeker!”
“She talks like a middle schooler or high schooler that isn’t smart.”
“You left the group after getting caught up in dating rumors and came back in dramas, CFs, and variety without any responsibility for your actions. You got to this point with your face alone.” 

Negative comments. Malicious comment. Hateful comments that bears no responsibility under the anonymity of the internet, that slowly kills her inside. Malicious and hateful comment that makes her fearful of people, question her existence and why she is hated so, why she must suffer the hurt of others’ words.

And even now, upon her death, netizen do not want to take accountability for indirectly causing the death of a young soul, but rather shift their blames from her depression to her company to her ex-boyfriend. Malicious and negative comments to the ex-boyfriend, wishing he “die.”

We had lost Jong-hyun and now we have lost Sulli. Just how much more lives must be lost for people to stop with their negative and malicious hate, for them to realize that words can destroy a person’s state of mind. Words can cut deep. It can make them bleed, and worse of all, words can kill people.

As utterly sad as it is, all I can wish for is that Sulli can be free from the suffering she had endure, smiling radiantly without pain, and be truly at peace.

Let’s Talk

Of all things I enjoy, this section is one I hold close because let’s be honest – life can be hard. More time than not. We have days that we fall hard and don’t know how to get back up. Days that we feel alone, like it is just us against the world. Days we are battling our depression and anxiety. Days that we laugh and days we cry.

There are times we feel trapped, like there is no one out there, not even our loved one or friends that we can talk to, that we feel like can understand us. I know that sometimes it feels hard talking to them more than talking to a stranger. Because we are afraid of pulling them into our pain as well as afraid that they will judge us.

Thus, often it makes us feel completely alone in our battle.

But I am here to tell you, you are not alone. You are not alone in your struggle. Somewhere in this big world, there is another reflection of you struggling the same way. I am here to listen and talk. Let’s talk about life, about our struggles, our problems and pain under anonymity.

Comment or send me an email and we can talk about it.